I turned 30 years old on Friday 6th January.
To be honest I was a little depressed. I even cried a little.Don't get the wrong idea, I'm not terribly alone or anything like that. I'm more fortunate than most people in this world and am grateful.
Firstly I haven't achieved what I had wanted to, I feel as though I have let myself down over the past decade personally and in terms of my professional development- some of it is down to outside factors and some down to my strategies or lack of strategy/direction/missed opportunities. I feel I have never been brave enough to truly listen to myself.
Secondly I always had this romantic notion that my 30th birthday would be full of brightness a party thrown with most of the people I know.....a time to celebrate to the full. Yet as the time crept on I knew this was not meant to be.....
Most of the people I thought knew- I didn't really know. I hardly heard from them and to be honest hardly knew them. It was like a faint watercolour painting rather than a deep impasto oil painting relationship wise. Most of our lives are like an act, sometimes acting towards ourselves or/and towards others.
As Shakespeare said in As you like it
"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances" For me the tragedy is being forgotten, its all so easy to get wrapped up in our daily lives and forget others who helped you or cared for you. I read a sad story on the guardian website (years ago) where one kind person looked after a friend during a realy difficult time and the friend moved on and forgot about him/her and then heard they had passed away suffering, that is so tragic.
So what did I do for my 30th? My brothers and sisters treated me to some nice home cooked food and lemon and coconut cake. I went out with a few friends to Barnes Village in London on Saturday, it was a lovely day and although not the crazy party I had dreamt about a long time ago, it was better than being all alone and forgotten.
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